let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
