He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I need mimosas to revive my soul
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
