I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I love you.
Bad choice
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
