??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
