those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
