why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
