Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
