There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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