he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
