I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
