Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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