Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
