Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
