I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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