No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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