just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
