i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Randomize
