she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The uberlube is also flammable
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
