Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
