I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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