i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
