The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize