Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
