I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The uberlube is also flammable
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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