I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
