my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
