I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
