69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
