God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
