i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
