she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
