in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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