I wanna passion pit in your ass
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
