Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i out mim tonsoeep
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