after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
