Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
