i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
