its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
