I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
