sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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