I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
