CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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