oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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