i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
