We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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