I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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