Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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