it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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