this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
