Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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