so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
