She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
