Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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