I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
