Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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