I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
