I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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