dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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