i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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