Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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