too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
