Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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