This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
