I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
