I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
