I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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