the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
