I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
