it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
