I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
