I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
