its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think your dad took our porno
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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