So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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